When I Grow Up...

I've thought a lot about this. I'm sure most people have. What do I want to be when I grow up? Does this only apply to careers? Does this also include the kind of person I want to be? I think it does.

Here's who I want to be when I grow up:

1) I want to be someone who has a close relationship with God. Not only do I want to pray and read my Bible like a "good Christian," I want to feel His presence in my life. I want to consistently trust Him and surrender my life into His hands. I want to show my son that this kind of relationship with Him exists and that it is something to work towards.

2) I want to be a good mother. I want to be the kind of mother that gives my child(ren) everything they could ever need and want and more. I want to do this in a way that they are not spoiled or self-centered. I want to guide them to become the person that God meant for them to become.

3) I want to be content in my career. This is something that I am very close to being now. I love my middle school. I love my coworkers. My county is a pretty neat place to work, especially if you work where I do. I think that, with a little more experience, I will be 100% content with my job.

4) I want to be a lifelong learner. I think that I will be someone who is in school or in some kind of course for the rest of my life, and that's ok with me. I have the desire to gain new knowledge. I can't just sit and do nothing to expand what I already know.

5) I want to be someone who is always trying to improve herself. I don't ever want to feel like what I have is ok. I know that sounds strange. I know that what God has given me is enough, but I always want to strive for better. I just feel like that will help me to reach my full potential.

6) I want to be healthy. I want to be in shape. I want to be a healthy weight. I want to be able to run around with my kids and not get so winded. I want to be able to take part in every aspect of life. I want to be free to be the person I want to be without worry of sickness

Any other suggestions?

My One Word for 2014: Surrender

verb (used with object)

1.

to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand orunder duress: to surrender the fort to the enemy; to surrender the stolen goods to the police.

2.

to give (oneself) up, as to the police.

3.

to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.: He surrendered himself to a life of hardship.

4.

to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.).

5.

to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor of another.

verb (used without object)

6.

to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.

noun

7.

the act or an instance of surrendering.

8.

Insurance. the voluntary abandonment of a life-insurance policy by the owner for any of its nonforfeiture values.

9.

the deed by which a legal surrendering is made.

I copied and pasted this right from dictionary.com. It almost seems like the very definition leads people to believe that surrender is a bad thing. It is negative. You lose control or lose power in some fashion or other. 

If you assume that all surrender is bad, you're dead wrong. In 2014, I am focusing on the word 'surrender.' I want to give up all of the bad elements in my life. I want to abandon unhealthy habits. I want to relinquish all problems and give them up to God. I hope to surrender my life to God's will and allow him to take control.

I hope that God uses this year to transform me in the best way possible. I know that in 2013, He used my one word, 'trust,' to get me in the exact position I needed to be in to succeed as a teacher, mother, and a person. I'm happy overall with the outcome of 2013 and I expect great things to happen in 2014.

I just need to "let go and let God." 

--A

My One Word: 2013

In 2013, my Bible Study leader, Amanda, asked us all to choose one word. That word would be our focus for the whole year. This is based on www.myoneword.org. Instead of writing out a long list of New Year's Resolutions (which I totally did anyway), you choose a word.

The word that came to me for 2013 was 'trust.' Now, when I started to pray about this, I came up with tons of word that I could focus on: motherhood, belief, faith, and so on. I prayed and prayed, and trust just kept standing out from the list.

Amanda swore that once we chose a word, God would use that year to strengthen our characters with a focus on whatever we've chosen. I chose the word, told my Bible Study group, and even wrote the word on my meal planning board so that I would see it all the time. After that, I rarely thought about it. When I did, I would pray that God would help me to trust others and to trust in Him. I expected good things to happen. Instead, let me explain how my year went:

1) In February, my son's father and I split up after 3 years together.
2) In May, my hot water heater stopped working and I had to have it fixed.
3) In June, there were problems within my family that I will not explain or dwell on.
4) In July, my A/C unit stopped working and had to be replaced. Also, my car had to have work done.
5) At the beginning of August, I found out that I had been moved to a new middle school. I was not given a choice.
6) In October, I struggled with financial issues.
7) In December, I was accepted into Graduate School at Appalachian (yay!) - which means more loans (boooooo!)

Now, that doesn't sound like a good year, does it? Believe it or not, I'm SO happy that my year went this way.

Here's what I've realized in the past week.

God HAS used this year to change me. The focus has been on trust. It hasn't been all about trusting others. That's what I expected. It's not what happened. It's been about trusting myself. I didn't realize it, but I had lost myself over the past few years. I became someone that others depended on. I was someone who was all about everyone else in my life. This year, I learned that I am important. I learned that my opinions matter and that I have those convictions for a reason.

For example, I went to Church in February for the first time in a long time. I went with just Christian, my son. I was feeling severely depressed and I needed a "pick-me-up." Something happened to me during that service that I'll never forget. I was sitting with two of my former students and the preacher began his sermon. After about 3 minutes, he said something that really spoke to me. It was all about trusting myself and eliminating bad in my life. I had been unhappy in my relationship for a while, and when I left Church that afternoon, I knew that it was over. I just had to trust myself and trust God. I needed to allow Him to heal the parts of me that were broken, but I had to be alone in order to heal. If I hadn't trusted myself and trusted God in that moment, I would not be where I am right now.

I'm not saying it didn't hurt. This year, I hurt in ways I didn't think were possible. My heart had to completely break in order to become whole. My soul had to be torn apart in order for me to heal. God broke me down in order to build me up and make me stronger.

A friend of mine said something to me the other day and it has been on my mind ever since. He said, "You're different than you were this summer. More confident. I like it." He's absolutely right, but I didn't get there on my own. It has been with the help and guidance of the Lord that I am who I am right now.

So, 2013 has been about trust. Time to start praying about my one word for 2014. What will yours be?